Coming at you live from Port St. Lucie Florida…
Being theres a Real World Marathon on the tv all the goddamn time, im sure ill have loads of free time to do whatever I please. Damn the real world to hell. To hell i say. I dont know how the hell the people can watch this SCRIPTED bullshit drama tv show. Its a total waste of a half hour [or day if its a fuckin marathon]. Oh no, i might get a break from my wonderous life of plugging away at a keyboard AFTER THIS EPISODE…
15 seasons of mind numbing banter perpatrated by people that belong in elementary school. I think they need “time out” or some variation of nap time. Im 100% positive this show would be better if they taped it during the hours of normal human sleep [12am - 8am]. Anyone claiming to have Insomnia would instantly be cured.
Subject change
So who says baseball is the national pasttime? Ive never been to a game before. I happen to be going to one today. I think the only good thing about it is im getting paid for it. They say its all in the anticipation. For what, to leave the stadium? Seems about the only thing interesting to me. Big silly men with their big sticks, awhackin some balls around all day. Trying to get to first base with each other. Sounds kinda homosexual to me. And when one of them finally makes it to ‘home base’ they all smack him on the ass as he goes to his perverbial home [dugout]. Everyone then proceeds to cheer for a man, who with a big stick hit a ball with said stick. I dont know about you, but if i were gay i could see all this action in a ghey bar. No need to pay alot of money to get in a stadium, and proceed to pay $5.95 for a goddamn hotdog. Fuck baseball. Its boring and is past its time. Move on and play something else.
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “NO! I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology, and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.”
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200?!”
Dont try to buy adspace on other sites when you are doing the peepee dance. i almost pissed all over the keyboard and lost my ad description. next time i think ill piss in a bottle. who’s thirsty? i know im parched. feels like some kind of goofy metaphor that i cant currently think of. im dealing with intergrating spreadsheets into word. w3rd.
im off today. today is a day that ends in Y. guess you know what that means. ill be drinking. gotta stop at the liquor store on the way home. who really wants to read about me drinking anymore? come fuckin join me damnit. i got 2 beds in my room now. too bad one is stacked on top of the other one. if you can figure out a way to sleep on the bottom bed w/o fuckin my shit all up then feel free to stay over.
i think its time for another road trip or concert. this sitting at home sht just isnt cutting it anymore. someone needs to get on the hot spot with the quickness. i hear rammstein has a new single out. i think its called amerika. theres a video floating around somewheres online. maybe they will come back to the states and set it a blaze once again.
i want to brush a girls back teeth with my dick. anyone out there want fresh clean teeth and gums? im a dentist i swear. i make patients open their mouth wide. i got those little mirror thingies on order and im bout to get the hot auto-lean chair. got this new super gloss coat shit. i hear it tastes a bit salty, but ill let you be the judge.
id throw up witty and interesting pictures in the update but im at lazy and dont have the time to go spelunking [sp?] for pics to throw up. your gonna have to deal until i get motivated. the tv is talking about exploding some pie. id sure like some pie to explode in my face right about now. man i loves that shit. mmmmmmmmmm tasty.
There is this black kid that goes to school and notices that the teachers treat the white kids better than the black kids. So he goes home and paints himself white and shows his dad. Hey dad look im white! His dad kicks his ass, and says alright go show your mother. Hey mom look im white! His mom beats the shit out of him then says go show your gradma. Hey gradma look im white she beats his ass and sends him to his room. About an hour later all the family comes to his room and says have you learned anything from this? The kid says yeah ive learned i have only been white for an hour and I already hate 3 niggers.
GIT R’ DONE.
Thats what i hear 50 times a night around this town anymore. I hate to tell some of you this, but your name is not Larry nor are you a cable guy. If you are feel free to tickle my ass and call me rainbow warrior. Seriously, i know he is a famous face now because of that inbred jeff foxworthy, but cmon now. the magic was over after the 50th time he said that shit. the same as YEAH! was over after lil’ john said it for the thousandth time. let it go people. its time to move on. why not go watch all your relatives. they made it big you know. remember DELIVERANCE. time to break out the banjo and make some yankees squeal like pigs.
Has anyone had a lean pocket recently? this lowfat shit sucks. granted i try to eat less and sometimes ill get low fat shit. well not really. only time i got a lean pocket was cause they didnt have the kind i wanted in the regular hot pockets. goddamn the grocery store. how the hell hard is it to stock the shelves with meatball & mozzerella hot pockets. i get home and pop them in the microwave, and 2 minutes and 30 seconds later it tastes like im eating a tire with some sauce in the middle. i flipped them over and was looking for 205/55/r16 or some shit. i was ready to stretch this thing out and put it on that bad tire i have on one of my rims. im sure it would last longer than any firestone tire out there.
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they’d found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
“It’s a period,” said the little boy.
“Well, I can see that,” she said, ”but what is so exciting about a period?”
”Damned if I know,” said the little boy, ”but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.”
Thats all i can think of for now. i think im gonna go stealth nigga neenja and jackie chan flip off the ceiling and out the mofuckin door.
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