A blonde decides to do something wild that she hasn`t done before — rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there`s nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. The blonde says, “I just rented an adult movie from you, and there`s nothing on the tape but static.” The store clerk replies, “Sorry about that. We`ve had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?” The blonde says, “It`s called Head Cleaner.”

Payday comes twice a month. Bills come every fucking day. Anyone see a problem with that picture? I fucking hate it, its fucking consumer art.

What’s consumer art? Ill fucking tell you. Its the picture that corporate America lays out the canvas for and allows all the world to paint, with cash. The buy this, buy that, be popular, pretty, attractive, but stay fucking poor picture that’s always painted green.

The worst part is, I see all of that, Yet I don’t have the fucking self control to say “No”. I walk into the name brand stores and buy the old navy performance fleece hoodie with my old navy card. I walk into sears and try to buy an xbox, but there so fucking popular that sears hasn’t had them for a month and a half.

Corporate America tells us to go get a college education, make something of yourself, so you can spend the money we pay you. We will get it back with interest, which of course we don’t pay you in the first place. Stay poor and in debt forever, you are Corporate America’s bitch.

The picture gets uglier when Corporate America tells you we can give you money to goto college, and the interest rate will be small. Your paying us back almost nothing and your getting your education. You have a loan with more then one company, you say??? That’s fine we’ll consolidate so it helps you out. What? You owe less then 7500$ oh sorry we can’t fucking help you, You poor bitch.

So lets get this straight…. You need to goto college to get a job, to pay a bill that goes back to the people that are your fucking employer’s, who say they can help you get that education so your making more money to put in their pockets, but their not going to help you because you don’t owe them enough money? So you need to go back to college in order to afford to live, but you cant because your too busy working your sorry little ass off to give money back to your employer, who wont help you get anywhere. Business is the ultimate consumer product!
-ironmark

This guy walks into the bar and sees a gorgeous blonde sitting on a bar stool all alone. So the guy sits down next to her and pulls a small box from his pocket. He opens it and there’s a frog inside. The blonde says, “He’s cute, but does he do tricks?” The guy says, “Yea, he licks pussy.” So after talking with her for several minutes, he convinces her to come with him to his apartment. They get there and she takes all of her clothes off, gets into the bed and spreads her legs. The guy sets the frog right between her legs and it just sits there not moving at all. The blond says, “Well? what’s up?” The frog still does not move. So the guy leans over to the frog and says, “All right, I’m only going to show you how to do this one more time!”

so i ran across this new bitch online. she thinks she can jump in and take off her clothes. and goddamnit she is right. see if i mind when amanda’s clothes mysteriously dissapear. i think that asian girly that is with her is up to something. she keeps popping up here and there.

is it me or does this amanda girl look to be about 16? i know she is 18 and all, i guess all my emails to the siteadmins finally payed off. they now cater to the tom-o-phile. i guess its time to whip out them dicks and start flapping away.

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It’s a beautiful day, and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says: “Pierre, kiss me!”

Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and splashes it on Marie’s lips. “What are you doing, Pierre?”, says the startled Marie.

“I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!” She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, “Pierre, kiss me lower.”

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts. “Pierre! What are you doing?”, asks the bewildered Marie.

“I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!”

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, Pierre, kiss me lower!”

Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep in the water, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, “PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?”

Our hero stands up defiantly and says, “I am Pierre the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!”

Did you hear a flop?