Here are some random text that I received that were awesome:

i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star…

I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend’s twin last night…and he didn’t stop me.
(1-847): How was it?
(847): Fantastic, but that’s not the point.

OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.

My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber…I’m buying the engagement ring tomorrow

I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.

in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me… then slapped my ass and told me “back to business”… im gonna marry him